i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
