That's intense
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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