I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
