Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
