I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize