your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
