I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
