the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
