I got chris browned last night
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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