I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
