You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
