so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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