We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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