Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize