I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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