that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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