You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Your cock deserves a montage
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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