How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
