dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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