It's Friday. Sex?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
