Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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