Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Blood and glitter go together right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
