Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize