At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
