Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
