i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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