"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
