hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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