I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
