We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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