I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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