just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
