i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
