update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
