fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
