dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
