I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
