Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
