Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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