just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
