This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
