they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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