i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize