i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Who died my cat blue again?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
