We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
