I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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