Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
People in love make me want to vomit
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
