Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
