I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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