he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
