from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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