I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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