So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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