It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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