Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
