I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
