Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
