I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize