i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
