she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
