I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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