: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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