whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
