You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would fuck him just for his dog
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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