3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
