my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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