We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
