Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
