If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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