white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
