Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
