Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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