im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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