just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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