you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
