watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
