So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
