I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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