Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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