So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
