I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
