and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
