I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
