If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
