people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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