oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
