I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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