How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
