around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize