so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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