Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
