ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
