Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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