are you still at the devil's house?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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