i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
