I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
