god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
