ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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