He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
