I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
